so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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