People in love make me want to vomit
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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