smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
