i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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