If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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