i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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