i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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