Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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