Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
