Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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