I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
