Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
