is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im part way to drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
