Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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