I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize