I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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