I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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