I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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