Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
