In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
