Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
