I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
