I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
