Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
