is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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