I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
