The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
