sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
