my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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