is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
