It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
