a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A+ Viking dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
