She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
