I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
