She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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