He uses pillows to masturbate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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