Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Farmville is her only friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
