He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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