So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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