Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
