Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
