Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
