i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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