we have pet lesbian snakes
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am one with the molecules
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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