i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
