I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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