I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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