i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
