had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
