Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize