I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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