Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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