Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize