I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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