9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
