If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
