You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize