now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
