Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
