Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
