"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
