So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize