By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
