i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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